“Let there be no strife between you and me.” Genesis 13:8 NKJV
“In relationships, being righteous is more important than being right.”
My thoughts today are about “solving relational problems.”
We would all like to avoid disagreement, friction, tension and offence in personal, family, or work relationships, but unfortunately that is not very realistic. They happen in homes, and churches, and offices, and friendships all the time. Life isn’t better with such unpleasantries. Jesus Himself recognized the inevitable reality that, “offences will come.” Matthew 18:7 NKJV. It’s good to know what you will do when that occurs.
Today’s verse is drawn from a time of continuing friction between the herdsmen of Abraham and the herdsmen of his nephew, Lot. See Genesis 13:1-9 NIV. It was one of those classic old western movie clichés, “This town is not big enough for the two of us!” When something has to give for a relationship to be spared, it usually means that someone has to give and typically it’s the very person who should not have had to do so.
Such sacrifice rarely happens mutually, until someone is willing for it first to happen with them unilaterally. Abraham counted the relationship worth the sacrifice. Abraham chose generosity when he did not have to, offering his nephew first choice of the land and his willingness to accept what remained. Look like he got the short end of the stick? Read on. God gave Abraham more than he gave up. “All the land you see I will give to you and your offspring forever.” Read Genesis 13:14-18 NIV. It seems Abraham understood the spirit of the Bible’s counsel better than we often do, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans 12:18 NKJV.
Offences can quickly degenerate into a debate over who has rights and who has responsibility. Often there is no solution until the one who values the relationship more is willing to yield their rights in order to restore the peace and reclaim a relationship. Generally, we readily yield our responsibilities while tenaciously holding to our rights; it’s counterproductive and ineffective.
Recently, a man beloved to me, asked to see me. There was a season when he was one of the most important persons in my life. There had come an incident that left an undercurrent of polite tension for a while, of which we were both aware. There was no animosity, just an uncomfortable distance. With tears, he asked my forgiveness, explaining only that he had been unkind. History did not need to be revisited or explained, just forgiven.
Forgiveness was mutually asked and given, and an uncomfortable strain was readily resolved in a moment of tears and hugs. And I realized the largeness of his heart by the humility he showed. I wish earlier I had been as generous and sacrificial as the man sitting across from me. I think he looked a lot like Jesus right then. Here’s what Jesus taught, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9 NIV. You will always feel better when you take the initiative to solve relational problems, and not so good when you don’t.
My prayer for you today is: learn that being righteous is more important than being right.