Surviving Criticism

You cannot control others’ opinions nor their expression of those.

“Judge nothing before the appointed time.” 1 Corinthians 4:5 NIV.

Criticism stings. It is not fatal, only superficial but painful. And there will always be people who are just critical by practice. But sometimes, those whose opinion you trust and value may share a point of criticism; it may feel the same. I think criticism stings because it reminds us of the unwelcome truth that we’re not perfect, not even as close to that as we wish we were. Be relieved of your expectation; no one is. You will not prevent all criticism, nor would you be better if you could.

Here are the facts. You cannot control others’ opinions nor their expression of those – though some are unwanted, some unwarranted, and a few useful. What you can control is your response to your critic. Like myself, I know what you would most feel like doing, avoiding critics altogether or ignoring criticism – neither of which is realistic. You can survive criticism and make it serve you, depending on your response to criticism or your reaction to critics.

Beyond your displeasure, listen with your heart not your hurt feelings. Look honestly for any small seed of truth that can be found in criticism. Ask yourself; can this be beneficial to me? Process it with prayer and honest consideration. God may be allowing a critic to say something about which the Lord was already speaking to you, maybe with little result. “If we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.” 1 Corinthians 11:31-32 NIV. God’s judgment is always just and beneficial. Respond to God; be gracious when criticized by another.

Let’s consider when the roles are reversed. Criticism is the outward expression of a subtle attitude of judgment. Judgment is a precarious attitude to permit yourself; it’s always better left to God. God has wise advice for you. “Stop criticizing others, or it will all come back on you . . Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged.” Luke 6:37/ Matthew 7:1-5 NLT. None of us know enough about another to accurately judge their actions or know their reasons for those. At such times, a person can easily misjudge, even when thinking they are not.

The Bible gives a useful guideline. “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into . . Christ. From him the whole body . .  grows and builds itself up in love.” Ephesians 4:15-16NIV. I would suggest the words, “truth in love,” make two important distinctions. First, truth helps and heals, building people up in Christ. Secondly, criticism is best within a mutual relationship of love and esteem, and spoken privately.

Paul faced criticism that became unfair judgment. “I care very little if I am judged by you; indeed, I do not even judge myself . . It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.” 1 Corinthians 4:3-5 NIV. It is not my job or yours to do what only God will do righteously, in His way and at His time. See Revelation 2:23 NIV.

Years ago, I was taught a valuable principle, “God only allows you authority to judge where He has given you responsibility to rule.” Before you criticize, consider if this is a person for whom you are responsible, or a matter in which the person is accountable to you. “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” Romans 14:13 NIV. Jesus’ words still hold true, “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:13 NIV.

My prayer for you today is that you will forgive critics and avoid being critical.